We went to the public library last Sunday to study, and found it to be a beautiful building. Next door to the library is a small cafe called Provence, which advertised many delicious looking pastries in their window. They were sadly closed that day, but we resolved to come back this weekend to enjoy a cup of coffee and chocolate croissants. And this we did this morning, after a few setbacks and one or two minor meltdowns (we're always so tired by the time the weekend comes) . . . but at last, we found ourselves in the attempting-to-be-European-and-not-failing-too-badly-type cafe, eating wonderful paninis and . . . chocolate croissants! Now we are in the library, but after just wonderful food, all I want is to lay my head down and sleep. We didn't sleep too much last night, as we stayed up late cleaning the house and watching Sherlock Holmes (Jeremy Brett version, my favorite Holmes of all).
This has been a rough week for me in many ways. I do believe that graduate school has humbled me to such a degree as I have never experienced before . . . I suppose that is a good thing. And there are many good things that are coming out of our experiences right now, but they are the "tough but good" lessons in life. Academically speaking, I have been raized to the ground and found that all I really have to cling to is self-motivation and my work ethic. I being to wonder now if further post-graduate work after this master's is really what I should do. I'm afraid that my academic interests have always been to increase my own knowledge - but a member of academia needs to constantly have more to offer others, by way of papers, books, articles, classes, etc. I want to continue, I want to learn more. But to what end? For myself, or to enrich others and offer something to the greater academic community?
Being away from family has also been hard, but again it has been a positive thing. Moving away does teach you that you don't really have much to depend on but the Lord, and the support systems He chooses to put in your life. I have said before how thankful I am to have Daniel right now, and I will say it again! Our marriage has provided a constant companionship that I find necessary to being happy and centered, and just generally sane. And what is more, he is an unfailing source of unconditional love and acceptance. Every time I walk onto campus I feel judged and measured up and criticized in countless ways, but Daniel is that voice that says, "It doesn't matter what they think, because I love you." And he doesn't care how many grammatical mistakes I make in my translations . . . :)So I feel much more at peace this weekend than I have for a few weeks. In a very strange way, I was brought to my lowest point this week only to discover that it isn't all that bad, and that I'll make it through. (Does that make sense?)
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